People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
