i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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