okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
