Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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