i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
