he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
