sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
