Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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