Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
