where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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