guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
