we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
