You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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