I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
