I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
