You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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