Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
