Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
