Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you never un-have a 4some
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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