Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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