Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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