How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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