Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
