there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
