my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
