Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Alive.
So much puke
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
