Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And then he peed in my hair
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