It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
