i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
