You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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