i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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