He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
