i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
