True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
