Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
