problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize