Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
