My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
