so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
