That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
