Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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