im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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