It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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