just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
