Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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