i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
