Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
