But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
