Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
