bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This house was built for laser tag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
