its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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