yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
