some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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