we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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