Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
